Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Letter To The Newlyweds
A long time ago I wrote a funny letter that I use to give to newlyweds with there gift. When my brother got married recently I thought I would share it with them. Only I couldn't find it and had to start from scratch. This time it didn't come out as funny, but more serious. I thought I would share it on here for others to enjoy or learn from. Although let me warn you when you get to #8 I open my mouth and my religion pops out. I get very churchy and Christian. Which I won't apologize for but just warn of, just in case. If it offends anyone (Because now days religion tends to be the source of much contention) I will probably say something I say too often, "I'm over it." No really I am. Hopefully someone out there will get some inspiration from a lesson I have learned the hard way. The fun part about posting it was adding links to some of the past memories. So here it is my letter to the newlyweds...
Dear love birds,
I thought I would share some lessons we have learned along the way, some the hard way others not so much. Enjoy...
1. If you can’t get upset at your spouse when she runs over a 2 ft rock wrecking the driver side of the car or when he gets a huge speeding ticket, then why freak out over the little things. Too often we overlook the bigger things more than we do little things. Don’t waste precious time fighting over the toothpaste container or toilet paper rolls. A family friend of mine, who is now a widow, once told me she looks back wishing she hadn’t wasted such valuable time fighting over menial things.
2. Pick your battles. Just be happy the other replaced the toilet paper roll at all, instead of getting upset that its going under, not over. Just be happy the dishwasher got filled, not upset how it got filled. There is a positive in almost every situation, find it.
3. Jobs, dishes, and cars come and go, and accidents happen. Try to be supportive when someone is looking for a job. Garage doors can be fixed, but knowing your spouse wasn’t upset over your car in his brother in laws garage door is so much better. Dishes will break, so either buy plastic or look at the opportunity to buy new! Being quick to forgive can assure that one day the gesture will be returned. Not to mention sometimes I think we are hard enough on ourselves, the added guilt never helps!
4. A home is what you make of it. Whether it’s your car, a tent, a hotel room, condo, apartment or a house, as long as you are together that’s what counts. Pillow fights in hotel rooms, sheets hung to make bedrooms, and cooking all your meals with just a skillet are all memories helping build your love. Make the best of each situation instead of complaining and hoping for a new one, make the most of it.
5. Make your own set of rules, especially when an argument arises. Just knowing that from the beginning you have both agreed upon a set of rules or guidelines can relieve anger or stress. That way you can focus on the heart of an issue and not name calling and degrading each other.
6. Remember you are stuck with your spouse FOREVER! Sometimes you have to put hobbies, jobs, kids and other things on the back burner to a certain extent to keep your flame going. You have a long journey ahead, so do what you have to in order to keep your marriage strong. Take time off work, get a sitter, or learn something new together. Just remember as time goes on your spouse will always be there for you, if you are always there for them.
7. Recently I received this great advice (Which you could make a rule if you wanted ;) Don’t approach each other with why. “Why did you or didn’t you… “ Try using the word how. “How can I help,” most importantly “How can I help you become the person you want to be.” If we can help the other person we often can get what we need worked out or taken care of along the way. I’m pretty sure that’s what we call service ;)
8.Last but not least is couples time. Some people call it pillow talk, but I think there needs to be more than just that. Starting with prayer. Pray together! One day couples prayer will turn to family prayer, and even after that make sure to continue couples prayer daily. It doesn’t matter how busy you are, you ALWAYS have time for prayer. No matter how late my family is running that extra 2 minutes to say a prayer before we leave the house is worth it EVERY TIME!
Also Couples scripture reading will also help strengthen your marriage. And who doesn’t want that? When Steven and I first were married we did our reading out of “Eternal Marriage Students Handbook,” we included it in your gift. We also have done straight scripture reading or the Ensign. Our newest favorite is Preach My Gospel. I love it because A- I didn’t go on a mission so my husband gets to share that with me and B- it's meant for couples. For couples or companions who are teaching the gospel. Which is what we are doing with our children, teaching them the gospel. Wait till your family grows a bit till you bust it out, especially because you are probably are tired of reading it so much from your mission.
Overall no matter how much homework, cleaning, or other duties and callings you have, you will be blessed if you take 10-15 minutes a day to do couples reading together. That is shorter than an episode from Netflix! Taking time for that will help you be blessed at work, school and everywhere else!
I loved Steven so much when we first got married, now 9 years later I look back realizing I had no idea what love was, because I love him so much more than I ever thought possible. I look forward to the bumps in the road in the future so that I can experience even more love for him.
I hope the same for you two!
Love, your sister, Jennifer